The Frowned Upon Networking Strategy- Secret Revealed in Building Leadership and Social Capital

     The Cold Shoulder Treatment

     Have you experienced talking to some "old friends" you've never met for years and they gave you a cold shoulder? Have you wondered why you've sent a long email or Facebook message to a friend and that person answered only one word like "okay","yes","sure" etc to you? Have you tried smiling, opening yourself for a conversation to a stranger to meet new friends, but that person never even acknowledged your greetings? How many of you have been hurt or offended by this kind of behavior because you felt like you were treated as a "nobody"? Why do these things happen?Aside from lack of interpersonal relationship skills,there is one main reason why others usually behave indifferently to other people's way of connecting and reaching out.

Great Values At Home Influence Interpersonal Relationship

     The cold shoulder treatment is a behavior experienced across cultures around the globe. But it hurts the most when we get that treatment from people we have known for so long because we are shocked by their reactions.However, there are exceptions. For some people who have great values at home and those who have learned to develop their interpersonal skills earlier in life through reading,trainings,and experience,will interact consciously and deliberately to build relationship and increase their social capital. These are the people who most likely are successful in their social dealings.

False Assumption About Networking Business Strategy

     Ordinary people who have no formation at home and don't have strong values to influence their behavior are most likely to fall short in this aspect of public relationship and human relationship skills.It is because majority of the people will only "connect" and "network" when they think they can get something from others using them for personal advantage.

If they think they have nothing to benefit from the encounter, they will not pay attention or take you seriously.  In business, the same things happen.Some businessmen will only treat you well when they think you are a positive prospect. Some friends and families will also treat you well when they need something from you. That's the reality,right? The worst thing is, if you are in "networking business" people treat you as trash because they have false assumption about the idea of networking. However, I have observed that even if you are not in the networking business, it is a basic human characteristic to only act courteous  and attentive to someone whom we think we can gain something from.

Building Social Capital Through Open Networking

     So, why is this so?The real purpose of "networking" is to build social capital, to build relationship so that you enable to achieve your goal,fulfill your mission and make your contribution to the world.What does "social capital" mean? The central premise of social capital is that social networks have value. Social capital refers to the collective value of all "social networks" [who people know and don't know] and the inclinations that arise from these networks to do things for each other ["norms of reciprocity"].(wikipedia) The essential purpose of building relationship is to connect so that you benefit by making positive  contribution into the lives of others and they too in their own way.

The richer your social network, the richer your life because is because there are lots of 

resources in social networking: 

information,leads,career,opportunities,financial capital,power,emotional support,

goodwill,trust,cooperation,etc. 

If you are into building your social capital through networking especially for entrepreneurial networking, the most useful type of networking is OPEN NETWORK" or establishing "indirect links".

Open network means reaching out to other people you don't know.The more people you know who are not connected to each other, the broader access you have to resources. Open networks are more valuable than closed networks.

The Law of Reciprocity in Networking,In Connecting With People

     What's the secret to networking then? To gain other people's trust,respect and admiration, especially for open networks, you are willing to help them, you need to contribute something and to provide value. If you make life better for others, then people are more likely to exert effort in your behalf. "The more likely you are working for your self-interest,the less likely others will extend themselves to help you.The "law of reciprocity" is the driving force, the engine in any endeavor whether it be in business or ordinary dealings to improve interaction with others and to increase likelihood for people to like you." (Dr. Friedman,Total Leadership)

     In conclusion,don't feel hurt when someone snobs or ignores you, despite the fact that you know that person for a very long time. Whatever the reason is,think about the law of reciprocity and try to find out,figure out what value or help you can give to that person.Your purpose is to connect and build relationship(Kiko Javier, founder of Supreme Wealth Alliance Ultimate),not to have enemies,although you may have adversaries. Reach out to other people outside your friends and relatives and develop the so called"open networks" and identify people and group who can help you build and achieve your goals. Remember,building social capital is a portable,lifelong asset.

"Gain power through the "Master Mind", 

the power of coordination  of knowledge and effort,

in a spirit of harmony,between two or more people,

 for the attainment of a definite purpose." Napoleon Hill

Ma. Weena Tambanillo
Full-timeHomemaker

Do You Have To Be a Writer To Start A Blog?

     

     I am a full-time Mom with three smart kids who are my joy and married to a very supportive husband who is my pillar and number one fan. I am not a writer and honestly, it took me awhile to know what to write. I'm writing this right after I am done with my exercise just a few minutes ago and ideas started flowing in my mind. If you have observed,I started my blog as an inspiration from purchasing Supreme Wealth Alliance Library, a compilation of two thousand eBooks. However,I have written only two articles because that were the only topics that came to mind on that time.But it took me months of thinking what should I write in particular because I don't have a specific skill to share that I think will inspire others. That was I thought, until recently there was a speck of wisdom from nowhere.

     Sometimes, we fall short of our confidence when it comes to what we can do and how much we can influence other people. That's who I am until one day,I started to accomplish an assignment from an online course which gave me a leap of faith. This homework was designed to verify and confirm my expectations from the people most important in my life. From my mother to a best friend, they all confirmed my leadership ability and they believed in what I can do to accomplish my goal. I began to transform my mind into someone who can make a difference with my little effort from someone who just watch and cheer at what others are doing.
     

     When ideas flow, I shout it out on Facebook.Well,some of my friends click the like button and I observed only those who can relate to what I am saying will do so. Then came an idea,"what if aside from sharing it on Facebook ,I will write something more about it"? .This prompts me to write this article holding on to the idea that creating a blog will definitely capture attention from people who have more inclination to read than those who are more inclined to show off their material possessions,travels,pretty face and their rants on Facebook.
     

     So where will my writing inspiration come? I think every time I have something in mind relevant I will share it here. But there is one thing very important secret I found out-that is, reading books,listening to audiobooks,and continuous learning either in school or online will open up new ideas and possibilities for you. What we put in between our ears will what reflect in our thoughts and actions. I started to have things to tell and stories to relate from my own experiences when I read and listen to eBooks that I am interested in.Sometimes we have these ideas but on how to share them is not easy. We need some support in kind of theories,inspirations,and experiences of others. So join with me in loving books by reading from what attracts you most be it a novel,horror stories,fitness,crafts etc. and share with us your thoughts as you relate with what you read.Let information and passion guide you to what you will be writing.See you in my next blog.Fighting!!!

Leaders are action-oriented and live with passion for richer fuller life..

    

      I am taking this online course entitled "Better Leader, Richer Life" offered by Coursera and Dr. Stewart Friedman, the professor, gave us some leadership experiments to do that will enable us to pursue our leadership goals and put into practice the four-way win method of leadership.  I realized my potential as a leader when I saw the nine generic leadership experiments that have been listed for us to choose from. By combining the methods based on our circumstances and what suits best our interest we will be able to apply these experiments to gain actual experiences on how to integrate the four important domains of our life and become an effective leader at home,work,and community. One of these experiments is tracking and reflecting.  

It describes "keeping record of activity, thoughts and feelings to assess progress on goals,increasing self-awareness and maintaining priorities"(Dr. Friedman,Total Leadership).  I found out I was doing this kind of activity ever since, when I compelled to track my progress especially with keeping fit and healthy.  Although on and off with tracking and reflecting method,somehow my online course gives me a chance to start over again by confirming that I am in the right direction.

     By writing in a calendar my physical exercise routine to see what day I skipped and which period of time I am more or less motivated, I can monitor the positive and negative effects of continuing and of neglecting my activity. I wanted to see the progress of how exercise can change my physical appearance by comparing my pictures which I do look good, with those which I feel and believed I look fat and bad. Likewise,I am also writing a journal about my feelings especially when I feel down,angry,disappointed,or whatever negative feelings I have which I do not want to keep in my mind and heart . Moreover, I started to take videos of myself,discussing any kind of topics I want from motivating others,sharing my success,or inspiring others to do the same by telling my stories and struggles.

Sharing it with some group of people like my high school batch mates allow me to push myself knowing that they are somehow following whether I "walk the talk"or just someone who blabbers too much but soon to give up and fail.

     I think being a full-time Mom is more of an advantage since I can manage my time very well. I believed I have more time to "spare" for personal development compared to those who needs to report to work daily. For most people, attending to body,mind and spirit undertakings to restore vitality and vigor takes so much effort and struggle. Their job outside home becomes their excuse for not doing tasks that will help them rejuvenate and restore their strength and power to serve others and most especially their personal well-being. However, when I tried to recall my past experiences, it is not only when I become a full time Mom that I started to put exercise my priority.  But it started since I was in college. I felt refreshed,relaxed,and invigorating when I reaped the result of exercise through my physical appearance,emotional health and even my spiritual life. Exercise is a part of my daily routine. Whatever the circumstances I am in, I will continue doing it. Doing physical exercise like insanity workout,yoga,mediation,hip hop abs,belly dancing,or anything that I find myself interested in is my best example of "rejuvenating and restoring" leadership experiment that Dr. Friedman has been suggesting to the class. I am so inspired to do this knowing that what I am doing in my life has been a very effective tool and highly recommended activity by scholars in the university.

     These leadership experiments that Dr. Friedman enumerated are designed to improve satisfaction in all of our life's four important domains - home/family, work/school, self and community. Other leadership experiments are: planning and organizing,appreciating and caring,focusing and concentrating,revealing and engaging,time-shifting and replacing,delegating and developing,and exploring and venturing. I guess I am doing most of these experiments already( revealing and engaging,rejuvenating and restoring,focusing and concentrating,etc).For more information about these activities,you can buy Dr. Friedman's "Total Leadership" book or enroll on his class at Coursera "Better Leader,Richer Life".

In my next blog, I will share with you my big time leadership experiment which I will accomplish to help position myself as a leader in our community and at the same time integrate the three important domains of my life. Little by little I will live a richer,fuller life and make a difference in my community.Watch out , see you in my next blog.Fighting!!!

What happened to the "ISKOLAR NG BAYAN"?? Journey In Seeking My Passion

          I was wondering if does it make a difference if i graduated from any other university and not from the University of the Philippines.

          I thought about writing this topic as i reflect upon my attitude being a proud graduate of the premier state university in the Philippines. Out of  six hundred public high school graduates in our school in 1993, I was the only one who had the privilege to be admitted in the University.Modesty aside,i was the "cream  of the crop" for the whole batch having graduated as Class Valedictorian.Can you imagine how  that made me feel  being one of the few who were qualified to enjoy the scholarship that UP has to offer?Can you imagine how proud i was paying only P60.00 every semester and at the same time receiving a monthly allowance from the school?

          Believe it or not, when i was in college i was able to buy my own groceries with my school allowance and it felt like i was already working. But of course,there were times when my parents have to pitch in for me to survive,however,i was first introduce to the idea that earning your own money is motivating and inspiring.I had this in mind, that being smart is what it makes the difference. So i started to find ways to earn more money by making good use of my spare time through working while in school.

         Well, my fantasy for being the brightest in my high school class ended when i struggled with my grammar,math,research,and public speaking skills during my first two years trying to pass all my subjects. Blame it to my public educational background,social environment,and lack of resources and support that only those who are economically well-off kids could have and the few poor to middle-class whose environment is achievement-driven and they were exposed to reading early in life.

         My classmates who graduated from private high schools were very much different from me,the first two years in college were just like a review of basic subjects they had in high school . I realized how inadequate my skills were to be studying in the kind of environment where everything is fast-paced and spoon feeding is not in the curriculum. Of course,I felt as if the whole world was on my shoulders, but with all might and diligence,I graduated as an average student,without any failures.

         Yes, i am the typical killjoy,serious,and studious type of student. While some of my friends were enjoying,i was the type who would rather stay home and study. I participated in some school activities but only limited to those activities i can manage with my time. Did i regret it? No! My personality is not really the party-goer type. When i decide on something, i don't look back because my eyes are fixed in my goal of graduating.I can't just wait to savor the price of hardship!

         When i was holding my UP diploma,i was still the proudest person in my high school class! Never did i imagine what life was outside the University. I thought my diploma is my armor and sword which is enough to land me a better employment in the job market. However, another realization dropped like a bomb. The job market is very competitive and the skills i had were not enough. Landing from one job to another, i felt something is missing,that is,self-confidence. Definitely, going for further studies was the option.  Indeed it is the only hope,however, my salary and circumstances were not in harmony with my career plans. I tried for several times even the obstacles were huge as Mt. Everest,and my tenacity is unfailing,getting up again and again.

          Never it occurred to me that what was taught in school,all the academics are not enough to have a successful happy life.I later discovered that reading is one of the keys that will allow you to open yourself to greater opportunities and perspectives that are not mentioned in academic subjects. Reading for the sake of passing a subject or doing a research is different from reading materials that teaches how to improve one's personal and financial success.

          What is the main reason of going to school? Isn't  it to find a good job and receive a decent amount of salary to enjoy life? But how come my being a UP graduate is not enough to meet that end goal? I began to question the Philippine's educational system early in life when i find myself struggling to live by even with a diploma from a very prestigious University in the country.

          With my search for an answer, i figured out one wisdom: that financial intelligence,practical everyday skills necessary such as on marriage and building a family,attitudinal and human relation skills primarily needed to attain success in life are lacking in our educational system. Even those who are taking Finance and Accounting are not "financially intelligent",and do not have any idea how money can work for them. Still we all believed that landing a good job is the answer.When i read the life of successful people like Robert Kiyosaki,Warren Buffet,Bill Gates,and other rich people,they too have the same conclusion-financial intelligence and human relation skills should be part of the school's curriculum. That is, we should be learning how to earn,save,and invest in people and money,so that we will not work for money but that money will work for us!

         One of the great authors who wrote a book entitled "Think and Grow Rich said," Much of what is taught in school is of no value whatsoever in connection with the business of earning a living or accumulating riches.If only financial management and human relation skills are taught in school,it would revolutionize the entire educational system and the time spent in school could be reduced to less than half."(Napolen Hill)

           I started to open my mind to wisdom and knowledge about self-improvement and  desire to achieve for excellence in all aspects of my life because i found a great mentor. St. Josemaria Escriva,Founder of Opus Dei has taught me that everything from physical appearance,academic performance,study habits,professional dealings,human relations, and all aspects of life are venue to practice my Christian faith with utmost desire for excellence. I was exposed to a different ways of thinking and has a broader perspective when it comes to life in general as i struggle to improve myself to keep up with the competitive environment. In the process, i become a stronger person,getting up every time I fall and start all over again.Because of the mentoring system that i have, despite the lack of skills and ability, i continue to search for an answer and never give up that one day i will find the path i am looking for.

St.Josemaria Escriva,Founder of Opus Dei

           My  life is uneasy and restless when i am not in the state of discovering and learning. There were periods when I was stuck in a sinkhole for almost 7 years, not knowing what to do. But I continued to search for an answer through prayer and meditation.My vision and goal in life is so strong that eventually I was rescued, however, that experience taught me to be humble,courageous, tough and more daring in dealing with different kinds of people. Always,there is a reason for everything!!

          I am sure all people can relate to my story for it is not something out-of-this world. Everybody goes through the same journey,however,in different levels and phases. But what will bring us joy is not the thickness of our resume(i don't discourage and devalue further studies if this is your path) but the attitude in life and how we interpret every signpost we encounter in the road. Even the lowest moment has its meaning,and even how dark is the sinkhole,there is that guarantee,if one continues to seek and do("seek and you shall find,knock and the door will be opened to you")something, there will be an answer.

          Likewise,the most important lesson i learned is, it is not how well-educated you are,but it is how you make good use of the information around you that will help you become successful. If one continues to seek for wisdom and knowledge, one will find it. The key is seeking for knowledge through reading books that are testimonies of successful people,the key is constant self-improvement and learning,and your eyes fixed in your goal and dream, the key is knowing where your direction is.The key is in your thought and that the power of dreams,the power of goals,the power of visualizing your goals which is so strong that your thoughts will create the reality for you.

           "The gold of my land is good,i live in a world of lavish abundances." This saying i was reciting since college i learned from someone. I don't know who said that but it becomes my guiding principle as i continue to seek for that abundance.Little by little,the wisdom is pouring in, in different directions and i am happy to where i am now. But it doesn't mean i stopped learning. I continue to discover new ways to enjoy life and i wanted to share that joy with other people,then i can tell you,i am successful!!

           No wonder,being at UP was a path for me to take for i was provided with the right mindset.That in order to survive,one has to do research and seek knowledge wherever you can find it. Spoon feeding and asking others what to do is not the proper attitude to take."Tell me what to do" are five very scary words. Don't blindly take action.Educate yourself."(Robert Kiyosaki) Each has to do his job and learn from mistakes,learn from successful people and take it according to one's circumstances. Understanding this wisdom is liberating and it makes a person more open to different ideas,perspectives,learning and adventure. Being smart in school is not like being smart in the street.And it doesn't matter where school you are from,but it is the matter of how you think you can handle life because you believe you can and your positive thoughts will crystallize into positive actions that will bring you to where you want to go! Action is the number one secret to success.So what are you waiting for?Take action now to transform your life!!

" Tempest-tossed soul, wherever you may be, under whatever conditions you may live,know this: In the ocean of life the isles of blessedness  are smiling and the sunny shore of your ideal awaits your coming.Keep your hands firmly upon the helm of thought. In the core of you soul reclines the commanding Master. He does but sleep;wake him. Self-control is strength.Right thought is mastery.Calmness is power.Say unto your heart,"Peace.Be still."

(As A Man Thinketh,James Aleen)

for more information about me visit:

http://momweenasharesabundance.blogspot.com/2014/03/welcome-and-thank-you-for-visiting-my.html

Does living in the US allows you to achieve your dreams?

Yes and No!!

          Looking back at my life five years ago(2008) is trying to remember the emotional journey that I went through to get where I am now.It was the year when we entered the land of opportunity with,like the others,hoping to fulfill our American Dream. But being on an H4 Visa status which does not allow someone to work and do business in the US, that dream shattered and my life changed from hope to disappointment.I will not elaborate the depressing and challenging road i took in that five years but i want to share with you what i did to make it through here in the present.


  Prayer      To push myself to fight,i asked God for strength,to drag my feet and tell me to get up again and again every time i lose hope. I do it everyday,crying and begging!!! Yes pleading from the bottom of my heart appealing at His most sacred heart!!  

Exercise     Nothing seems to help regulate my hormonal imbalances than exercise. I do treadmill everyday for at least 30 minutes and some Yoga stretching too. I have been practicing meditation since college and so doing it as a form of prayer keeps my mental health in check.

Community Involvement       I reached out to the community by organizing a Club for young girls teaching them values formation and basic homemaking skills. It was patronized by few girls and lasted for two years. I was even featured in the local's newspaper for contributing something positive in my community.

Spiritual Counseling    I have a regular chat and spiritual direction from very close friends and spiritual Director(priest) that allowed me to vent out what's inside my heart and mind.Their listening ears eased the burden and knowing that someone really cares made a lot of difference. I opened up myself to different perspectives when my judgement was clouded with hopelessness and helplessness!!

          I have done everything i could to stay afloat and sane! However, there is something that i was looking for!! That is, an inner desire for a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. Something that will make me happy,engaged,passionate,restless and mindless of how time is passing by.

           My "Aha Moment" came when i joined this group, H4 Visa,a Curse in Facebook and someone shared something valuable. I was blessed to know about Coursera, a free online study site.I took several courses and still continue to enroll one after the other with the desire to beef up my resume and keep myself busy. Please feel free to check this site for i am paying it forwardhttps://www.coursera.org/.

          Likewise, I learned about Supreme Wealth Alliance Ultimate which is a company whose product is a treasure of two thousand plus eBooks where I can read and learn a lot of stuff at the convenient of my home. Reading and learning at my finger tips for I can download the eBooks anytime and anywhere is an amazing opportunity. With this gift, I have nothing else to complain but just enjoy life everyday!!

       

          NO,life is hard when one is alone in the journey but YES it's challenging,fulfilling and abundant when you walk with others who can encourage you,uplift you and help you along the way!!!

     "Surround yourself with positive people! No matter what happens in your life, never allow people to steal your dreams away from you,you've got to fight for it,and when you fight for it,you've got to go for it".Chinkee Tan

If You Want Something You've Never Had,then
Do Something You've Never Done NOW!!